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© Copyright 2001 Jenne64.
About the author:

What me? You want to know about me? Not much to tell to be honest. I'm just.... well me. I have two sides to my personality, but then don't we all? I firmly believe that you can do anything you want to as long as you want it badly enough. I just love to have fun, life's too short to do anything else in my book. Talking of books, like most writers I would love to be published one day. The realistic side of me knows that I have a long way to go before that happens and in the meantime I'll just keep practicing.

I live life to the full and take whatever opportunities it may be gracious enough to hand me. I'm one of those annoying people that doesn't understand the word "Can't."

Erotica, for me is a way of channeling my over active imagination, having fun and getting some writing practice in. Some of the stories I write are based on true experiences, some are pure imagination, and some are a mix of the two. I'll leave it to you to work out which.

I just hope you have as much fun reading them as I did writing them.

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"Why the hell do I still do this?" she silently asked herself as she stood at the entrance to the large grey building just as she did every Sunday morning. Perhaps she felt the need for forgiveness more acutely than most, after all her life was not what society would deem as normal. She was a hooker, a damn good one but a hooker all the same. People had a low opinion of what she did but it provided her with a decent standard of living and as far as she was concerned it was better than living on the welfare, she earnt her money, every damn penny.

Things had been so different when she had arrived here all those years ago. The trouble with going to Mass was it always brought on a sense of how it should have been had she of done this or done that instead of following the path that she had taken in the end. Here was the one place that offered her solace from the ravages of the outside world. At least here for an hour or so each week she felt strangely at peace. She wasnít even sure that she still had the faith but this was a safe haven, allowing her time to reflect. Time get her thoughts together without the pimps and hustle and bustle of the streets.

Every week the same thoughts would permeate her mind, the same questions would arise and every week she would search for the answers. It was strange that she always dressed down when she came here, discarding the black bodices, tight mini skirts and high-heeled boots that she wore for work for a smart dress or suit. Here she felt like a normal member of society. No one judged her as no one really knew her. Here she was a normal woman in her early thirties who instead of being in the oldest profession in the world could equally have been a successful businesswoman. She preferred to think of herself that way. Hers was a hard profession, new girls springing up daily. She was good at her job, damn good. She had regular Tricks now and no longer worked the streets the way she had when she had first arrived here. Every time she thought about those early days a cold shiver would run down the length of her spine, the stupid risks she had taken, how naive she had been then. She had learnt some valuable lessons in those early days. Some of those lessons she had been lucky to survive and sometimes she would wonder if she didnít have a guardian angel watching over her.

Nowadays, she was wiser and smarter. The risks were the same but knowledge had made the difference. Nowadays she controlled the situation not the tricks, the men she saw ranged from lawyers to bank clerks. Each trick was different but she liked her job now. The feelings of self-loathing had gone, pushed to the back of her mind, only rearing their head once in a while. In fact most of her tricks seemed to respect her in a strange sort of way, she offered a service that they couldnít get anywhere else.

She was a dominatrix now; she was the one in control. A far cry from the little girl that had come here ten years ago, her head full of ideas of how she was going to make it in the big city.

She sat on the wooden bench and watched the people begin to congregate for the service. She wondered what it was like to be normal. To command respect for who you were rather than what you could offer. She became lost in the thoughts as she watched the old woman struggle up the steps; the two sticks in her hands, refusing help from anyone. Natasha could identify with the woman, it felt like she was watching her life, an up hill struggle, always refusing help. She watched the small bent figure grit her teeth as she continued on her journey, the pain in her face evident but still she resisted all attempts to help her.

It was then she spotted him. Alistair had become a good friend over the last few months, and he raised his hand to acknowledge that he too had seen her. He made his way towards her and she watched as his figure neared her own. He bent forward and placed a small peck on her cheek just as he always did. Alistair was a reasonably handsome man, nothing special but to Natasha he felt special. He looked at her like a human being not just a piece of meat like so many of her tricks appeared to nowadays. Of course he knew nothing of what she actually did for a living. She hadnít deliberately not told him it was just the question had never arisen.

He took his usual place on the bench next to her and they began to exchange the usual pleasantries just as they did ever week. He was a caring man, that had become obvious as their friendship had blossomed. Meeting him every week as she had done for the past 4 months had been something Natasha had begun to look forward to.

He was normal; most of the people she met were anything but normal. Kids with problems at home running away to the big city in search of the impossible dream, pimps that were out to get what they could from you. But worst of all the tricks, the men that came and took from her but never gave anything in return except money.

Since she had met Alistair she had found herself becoming more and more discontented with her tricks. They were nice enough men, most of them anyway, but they all wanted her for the wrong reasons it seemed. She was just a quick solution to their needs. Hers was a business of supply and demand. They demanded and she supplied.

Still it had served her well and she had no real complaints but lately she had begun to re-evaluate her life. Something she hadnít done in a long time. Happy to carry on with what she knew almost scared to look for something else.

She looked at Alistair as he talked and realised that this was what was missing from her existence. Someone she could talk to without feeling they wanted to take something from her, someone who respected her for who she was not just what she did or could do for them.

"Natasha, your not listening to me are you?" something in his voice jolting her back to reality.

"Sorry was miles away or at least wishing I was." She laughed.

"Anywhere nice?"

"Umm... the Caribbean on a cruise ship sounds nice right now."

"Look donít take this the wrong way but I was wondering if you would do me the honour of having dinner with me later this week, I canít give you the Caribbean cruise right now but I know a pretty good little Italian restaurant. Umm... but only if you wanted to of course." He hesitated as he spoke the last few words, unsure of himself.

"Iíd love to." the reply came enthusiastically, perhaps a little too much enthusiasm she thought.

"You sure? I mean that would be great, just great..."

They arranged to meet at the Restaurant on Wednesday night before going to the service.

She made her way back to her apartment and it was then that reality finally began to dawn, how could she meet Alistair? He was a nice guy and deserved better than a two-bit hooker. Still she didnít have to tell him what she did, did she? She knew deep down inside that if things worked out the way she hoped that she would but right now she was to excited to think about it. Pushing the doubts to the back of her mind as she prepared for her regular 6pm appointment.

This was one trick that she actually enjoyed seeing, mind you he had been a regular for the past 3 years and they knew each other fairly well. He had always been generous with his money as far as she was concerned, often leaving more than she required for her services. His wife didnít understand him. God if she had a penny for every time she had heard that she could have had that Caribbean cruise by now; she smiled at the thought.

Still in his case it was probably true. She remembered the time he had broke down and cried on her shoulder as she pulled her hair into a tight bun and began to apply some makeup. She had felt more like a sex therapist that day, offering him comfort and support when he needed it most.

Ok so his fetish was a little bizarre but she had had worse, schoolboy and teachers were not exactly uncommon in her line of business. The wife wouldnít play ball, so they had little choice but to seek women like her out for the release they required. Actually Bill was easy money when she came to think of it. If only all her clients were so easy to please.

She slipped the outfit over her head and checked herself in the mirror. The image that met her gaze was not displeasing, she took care of herself and it showed. Her complexion still good, her curves were still in the right place and her breasts were still pert. She slipped on the 6" stiletto boots and set about preparing the room. This was a well-practised routine after all these years.

Bill was as usual on time. She ushered him into the room, his approving gaze telling her that he liked her choice of outfit. The tight PVC clinging to her as she moved across the room. He knew the drill as well as she did and was soon dressed in his own outfit. The first time she had seen this grown man prancing about in his short pants, school shirt and tie with the little cap balanced on his head it was all she could do to contain her laughter.

Bill wasnít exactly the thinnest of men. All those years sat at a desk had taken itís toll on his body but nowadays she just took it all in her stride.

She strode around the room surveying the boy that was in front of her, circling him before she spoke.

"So Bill have you been good this week?" her voice carrying a practised air of authority, showing that she was in charge here.

"Yes Miss, a very good boy." He spoke meekly as he watched her every move.

"Did I say you could look at me?" She almost shouted at him.

"No Miss, Sorry Miss."

"Thatís better, now letís try again, have you been a good boy?"

"Yes...Miss!" The word Miss was a definite after thought and his eyes dropped to the floor once more.

"I think itís time we found out donít you, I hope youíve done your homework. Now drop your shorts Boy and show me what you have to offer your Teacher today."

He obeyed dropping the shorts and displaying his underpants. The evidence of his excitement staining them as the precum dripped from his cock as it tried to escape from the confines of the material. She lifted his face to hers and looked directly into his eyes as she spoke masterfully.

"I thought you said you had been good, look at the state of those pants, take them off now!" He needed no second bidding, his cock springing forth grateful to be released.

"You really are not that good at obeying orders are you boy and you know what happens to bad boys in my class donít you?" she told him as she walked across the room and picked up the small riding crop. She held it in her hands for a second before whooshing the air with it.

"Yes, yes Miss." He was unable to contain the excitement in his voice now.

"Bend over boy, I want to see you touch your toes and I want to see it now!" She knew of course that she had just set him an impossible task She wondered how long it had been since he had seen his own dick let alone touched his toes. She almost let a giggle escape her lips at the thought but didnít. This was work she quickly reminded herself.

"I said touch your toes." She brushed the crop over his arse cheeks as she spoke before slowly running up his back. He tried again desperate to please her but at the same time desperate for the punishment that would insue.

Whaaaaaackkk the sound reverberated around the room as she slapped his arse cheeks hard with the instrument.

"Maybe now your try harder, boy." He did but still couldnít quite reach. Again the crop bite into his flesh, not too hard, she knew just how much pressure it required to drive him mad.

"Please miss, please." He whimpered as she reigned another blow down on him. Again he pleaded "Please, please miss." As the next blow hit she heard the familiar moan of male orgasm.

She stood in front of him now. Her legs wide apart and her hands on her hips, showing her authority over her pupil. She pulled him upright and was amazed at the amount of spunk he had produced. The white sticky viscous fluid oozing from his cock tip and dribbling down its shaft. It didnít take much to tip Bill over the edge nowadays. They knew each other well. She knew exactly what he liked and she gave it to him every time. If only all her tricks were this easy to please she reflected as he cleaned himself up in her bathroom.

He left after he had arranged his next appointment and handed her the envelope with the money in it. She always smiled when he did that, most tricks just handed her the money straight from their wallets but Bill never had. She often wondered if his real life was that ordered. She often wondered about her trickís real lives. Was this service that she provided a break from that normality or was their kink a basic need? In Bill she knew it had become a need.

She threw the envelope into the drawer without bothering to open it and began to get undressed, after a quick shower, something that she always did after a doing a trick nowadays. She settled down in front of the TV and began to relax.

It took a lot out of her this role-playing, more than most people would understand. To them it was easy money. True it was a lot easier than laying on your back and getting humped by any Tom, Dick or Harry but it was a skill one that she had learnt from the Mistress of the art. A woman who had taken her under her wing, taken her from her life on the streets and provided her with a regular income and tricks. She owed that one woman everything and she would be eternally grateful to her. She was no longer a Madam having been lucky enough to have saved enough money to allow herself the luxury of retirement, something Natasha dreamed of and was working hard to achieve.

The following two days went off as normal, she did take a bit of time to go shopping for a new outfit ready for her date on Wednesday. Every time she thought about the prospect of the date she would feel strange, the butterflies in her stomach would surface and she was like an excited schoolgirl. She had trouble concentrating on her work. Several of the tricks had commented but thankfully none had refused to pay.

Wednesday came and her excitement grew but so did her doubts. A part of her felt guilty that Alistair knew nothing of her real life. She always pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind when a trick was due, the money and thought of retirement still driving her on.

Her 4pm appointment was due in a moment and she needed to get the room ready. Martin was another regular, she had considered ringing him earlier and telling him she was ill but something had stopped her, money! Plus she quite liked Martin; he was a strange guy but not unpleasant.

She waited for the usual timid knock and sure enough it came at 4 oíclock on the dot, this guy was never late. She opened the door and stood in front of her was a small man with a huge scar that ran the length of his face. He always looked so out of place here, his suit always pristinely pressed, not a hair out of place and a briefcase clutched to his chest. He always reminded her of an insurance salesman, a dodgy one at that.

He stepped into the flat placed the briefcase on the sofa and opened it. Inside was a huge leather studded collar and lead that he passed to her. He proceeded to remove his clothes, hanging them onto a hanger that was also contained in the briefcase. This was a ritual that he performed every time he visited. She stood and waited patiently holding the collar and lead in her hands till he got on the floor on all fours and waited for her to fit the collar and lead. She did this and then began to give her orders.

"Good boy, heel." She commanded as she pulled on the lead, walking him through to the bedroom of the small flat. Him on all fours trotting beside her like the good dog that he was supposed to be. She bent down and patted his head and stroked the form that was beneath her.

She sat on the edge of the bed and commanded him to sit beside her, he duly did as he was ordered. She continued to pet and stroke him for a while, not speaking to him lost in thought. He made a barking sound, a muffled half hearted whimpering sound, turning she chastised him harshly " Bad dog, be quiet." She almost shouted the words. He whimpered again

"Quiet I said." Again the whimpering noise came from his mouth.

"Be quiet you know what happens to bad dogs in this house, donít you?"

She saw his eyes light up at the words and he began to whimper louder.

She rose and yanked the heavy lead as she pushed him to the ground, the heel of her 6" stiletto sticking into his back,

"One more time are you going to be a good boy today?" This time he yelped as the heel bite into his bare flesh.

"Iíll take that as a no then shall I." She continued to push her heel deeper into his flesh as she spoke.

She didnít like doing this but knew that this was what he was paying her for. This was what he liked and who was she to refuse?

She ordered him to sit once more. Again he obeyed, she noted that his cock was rigid and it seemed as though it was about to burst. His tongue hung from his mouth and his eyes pleaded with her to finish the job she had so expertly started.

"My, My boy, what have we here?" she reached forward and grabbed his cock. Gripping it hard, surrounding its shaft, before beginning the jerking movement that was required. It took mere seconds before the white liquid erupted from its tip, rushing over her hand as he yelped like a puppy. She yanked at the lead once more> Pulling harder as she continued to pump his cock dry, extracting every last drop of the fluid from it. Knowing that Martin wouldnít be able to afford the service till next months pay check arrived. She held her hand to his face and he began to lap at his own fluid that covered the black velvet glove.

"Good boy, you enjoy that donít you?" again a yelp, this time the tone was different though, one of pleasure. She sat on the edge of the bed, and watched as he continued to lap at her glove till it was clean. She continued to pet him and tell him he was a good boy once in a while but her head was somewhere else now.

Her thoughts wondering what the evening would hold. She was glad when he had finished and the ritual that had taken place on his arrival had been carried out. The money changed hands and he had left.

Alone again she showered and began get ready for her date. Again she felt the butterflies begin to creep into her stomach. Strangely they reminded her of the first time that she had turned a trick. This was almost as scary a prospect. The tricks didnít matter to her. She never allowed herself to get attached to them, always treating them in a business like manner but Alistair did matter. She didnít want him to think of her the way they did. Of course he didnít think of her that way. He didnít know what she did for a living and she hoped it would stay that way but then there was always the awkward questions that would enevitably come up in conversation.

What should she do? Lie and tell him she ran her own business. A service that catered for peopleís personal tastes, she laughed as she the thought ran through her mind. That about summed up what she did do after all.

She decided that she would deal with it when and if it arose. It wasnít as if the guy wanted her to marry him, they were just going to dinner after all. A nice normal date. Dressing in the black dress that was far more conservative than the ones she was used to and pulling her hair into a loose ponytail, it was almost as if she was trying to remove herself from the image that she used everyday at work. She wanted to feel different this evening. Tonight she would be allowed a rare privilege, to be herself for a few hours and enjoy the company of a man because she chooses to do so.

She strode into the Restaurant on time and was pleased to see Alistair waiting for her in the bar and drink in one hand. He rose from his perch to greet her.

"You look wonderful, Natasha."

"Thank you kind sir and so do you." She beamed at him.

"What would you like to drink?"

"Barcardi and coke would be nice please."

She studied him as a he sipped his pint of larger. His dark hair, cut short, the white shirt that clung to his frame, he was not a thin man but his frame carried his weight well but what really intrigued her were his hands. They were large and strong; his fingers long and thin. His eyes were a wonderful shade of saphire blue; they sparkled tonight just as they did every Sunday morning.

The waiter appeared and ushered them to their table; they sat and traded pleasantries for a while after they had ordered the food. It was a small restaurant and the table they had been given was tucked away in a corner. The décor was distinctly Italian and the music that played in the background all added to the ambience of the place.

Alistair made her laugh, she felt comfortable with him as they ate. She didnít have to act with him like she did with her tricks. It was so nice to spend time in the company of a man that treated her like a human being, allowing her to voice her own opinions on a huge variety of subjects. He actually listened to her. Something she was not used to anymore.

As they retired to the lounge and began to drink their coffees she began to realise that the evening was drawing to a close and she felt some regret. The question of her work had not entered into the conversation and she was glad of that. She was growing fonder and fonder of Alistair the more time they spent together and didnít want to push him away either by lying or telling him the truth.

The evening drew to an end and they decided to share a taxi home. Alistair being the perfect gentleman paid for the meal. Before they sat and waited for the taxi to arrive.

"You know Natashia you are a remarkable woman." He spoke the words sincerely and his eyes told her he felt much more as he continued. "You really are special."

She blushed scarlet, not used to the attention, at least in this context.

"Thank you Alistair, I appreciate that comment." More than you know was the thought that ran through her head as she spoke. She was actually quite glad when the taxi arrived at that point.

The taxi began its short journey to her place and she was tempted to ask him in for coffee as they sat in the taxi. The confusion beginning once more, had she put everything away when she came out this evening? Was there any way he would be able to tell what she did? Would he think she was being presumptuous? He answered the questions for her as he all but invited himself in. He didnít actually ask but the hint was heavy and she did not miss it.

"Why donít you come in for coffee?" she asked in her most confident sounding voice.

"If you're sure." He didnít sound so sure himself now.

"Yes why not, unless you have something better to do?" she bite her lip as the words left her mouth. Why the bloody hell had she said that? She looked at him, her gaze meeting his, a silent apology taking place.

"No I canít think of anything Iíd rather do right now." His tone upbeat, almost mocking her as she looked at him. "Itís ok, I know what you meant, stop worrying so much, relax, this was supposed to have been a fun evening. You seem to have been on edge most of the night."

He was right of course. Although she enjoyed his company immensely, she was scared of allowing anyone to get to close to her. She had done that once before and it had been fine till he had realised what she did to earn her money. He hadnít stuck around long after that.

"Oh, Iíve just got a few things on my mind, Iím sorry, I really have enjoyed this evening."

"Iím glad to hear it, so have I. Itís been a long time since Iíve been out with a beautiful woman, in fact itís been a long time since Iíve been out full stop." The reflective note in his voice almost made her feel sorry for him. The taxi stopped and he helped her out, clasping her hand tightly in his as she got out. They walked to the lifts and it wasnít long before they were inside the small flat.

As she walked in she scanned the living room for any signs that she may have left out. Satisfied that there were none, she turned her attention to the coffeeís and then too Alistair once more.

"Nice place you have here." He commented as he settled down on the black leather settee. He looked quite at home sat there with one leg crossed over the other.

"Thanks, I quite like it, it serves my needs well enough and the rent's not too bad for this area of London. Then again youíd know all about that being an Estate Agent." laughing as she spoke, he looked every part the estate Agent as he surveyed the flat.

"True enough, talking of work what do you do for a living." Shit this had been the question she had been dreading all night, she almost regretted bringing him in for coffee now, she had to make the decision and make it quickly. She felt shy, as tough she was playing a weird version of truth or dare but the stakes appeared to be much higher.

"Umm.. Well itís a little complicated..." she started to stammer, the coffee cup shaking in her hands as she tried to steady her nerves. He took the cup from her placing it gently on the ground beside her and took her hand. The concern in his eyes evident as he looked at her.

"What is it Tash, whatís got you so spooked, Iím sure it canít be that bad."

"Well...umm.. Well. Itís complicated as I say, I donít have a normal job, well not normal in the sense that you would understand." She stopped as he pulled her to him.

"It doesnít matter and if you donít want to tell me thatís fine too, I didnít mean to upset you." He raised her face towards him and kissed her gently, a gentle kiss full of meaning. She met it eagerly, wanting more. He took her in his arms and wrapped her in them, offering her comfort. She felt his strong arms holding her, surrounding her like a shield guarding her from the outside world.

Suddenly she felt safe, something she hadnít done in a long time. They stayed that way for a long time neither wanting to break the moment, both enjoying the feelings.

She felt his hands begin to move over her back. The long strong, large hands that had fascinated her for so long travelled the length of her back gently massaging it. She felt the warmth of his body as he held her. Smelt the odour of his after-shave and most of all felt safe and wanted. She reached up and kissed him tenderly as if saying thanks.

His hands began to travel over her body now, enjoying every curve and contour as they began their journey of exploration. She began her own exploration as she enjoyed his touch; it was as thought he was worshipping her very being. He gently pushed her hair away from her face and kissed it tenderly. She closed her eyes and he pecked each lid as she did so.

The feelings he was producing within her so wonderfully intense. This was about him and her, not the amount of money that was involved and it felt wonderful. He had asked her for nothing, expected nothing and she wanted to give him something special in return, herself. His hands travelled down her body, exploring once more. She gasped as he brushed against her breast, his lips quickly meeting hers, quelling the sound.

She too began to explore his body in return. She marvelled at the feeling of the cotton shirt that stretched across his torso. She felt her juices begin to flow and her fever begin to rise as he pushed the dress straps from her shoulders. The gentle touch of his fingertips as they found her nipple, rubbing gently, causing such exquisite feelings deep inside her as her tongue began to explore the inside of his mouth.

His mouth beginning to explore her neck now, gently kissing the skin moving slowly down her body, unwrapping her dress as he did so. He was so gentle, so tender the contrast between her tricks and a man who actually cared about her so evident in his actions. His tongue darting her nipples, waiting for the reaction, knowing that it would follow. Her whole being felt elated as he knelt before her now naked body as if he were worshipping her, kneeling and looking at her his eyes telling her all she needed to know right at this moment.

He parted her legs and his tongue began its long, slow, wet journey towards its reward. She quivered as he expertly began to near her treasure, the wet tongue dipping slowly in and out of her, tickling, teasing her. Nothing rushed, every moment enjoyed to the full, every action one of mutual enjoyment.

She arched her back and stretched her neck as the tension that was coiling inside her body reached breaking point. One carefully placed flick from his tongue and she exploded, the tension released in one almighty rush to her mind. She felt as though her head would explode the feelings and sensations so intense as they hit like a cricket ball hitting the wood of the bat. She allowed herself to run with the feelings. Allowing them to control her, take over her whole being, invade her mind.

As she descended from the heady heights that he had just taken her too, she wanted him like she had never wanted anyone else before. Her need became urgent, her passion rose once more. He rose and kissed her lips; she could taste her own juices as their saliva began to mingle, their tongues becoming one.

He broke free from the embrace, standing now and as he did so she deftly and swiftly undid his zipper. His trousers fell around his ankles quickly followed by his pants, revealing the prize that she wanted so badly. In one swift action she leaned forward and devoured the tasty morsel he presented to her lips. First the purple head was swallowed by her lips, and then the rest of its length was taken into her mouth.

All the years that she had spent learning her profession where now given to him freely. Her expertise as clear as the soft moans of pleasure that escaped his lips. She felt him begin to react to her actions. The soft smoothness of the inside of her mouth being used to itís fullest as she teased him. Taking him to the brink and then pulling him back as he teetered on the edge, almost pushing him too far at times but she had learned her trade well.

He pulled her upwards, his cock gliding from her mouth as he did so; he all but threw her back onto the sofa, his actions desperate, his need for release evident. He dropped to his knees, parted her legs and in one action took her. She felt him slide inside her, his cock hot and wet, she gripped it with her own muscles, wanting to savour the moment, knowing instinctively that he wouldnít last long. The way he pulsed as he began to slide in and out of her, slow, deliberate actions, trying to control his movements as he thrust forward.

She felt her own nerves coil once more and knew that another orgasm was near. She rose to meet his thrusts with gusto, wanting to take as much as he had to offer her. To feel his whole length inside her, to take every part of him that she could. She devoured his tongue as she felt the pulse inside her as he boiled over, his seed spewing into her like a fountain. Her body reacted as he continued to push deeper into her, starting at her toes and slowly engulfing her whole body as it hit.

They slumped onto the settee, both breathless, neither wanting to let go of the other; they held each other tightly. Natasha felt whole again, like a human being once more, more alive than she had been in years as she lay in his arms.

He rose and began to dress; she looked at him the disappointment at his imminent departure evident in her eyes.

She spoke the words softly, "stay, please."

"I canít Tash, not now but I will, I promise. Soon."

She didnít respond but he knew that she was hurt by his actions. He took her into his arms and held her, making her feel safe, special but most of all wanted.

They arranged to meet the following evening and he made his exit. She felt cold as she watched him disappear down the hallway towards the lifts. Tonight had been so different from anything she had ever encountered before. She wrapped herself in the big white fluffy robe and retreated to bed, brooding with her thoughts as she contemplated the day ahead.

Her first trick the next afternoon went badly. She tried to please him, she really did but he was one of the hardest tricks on her books, His kink more unusual than most. He was a grown man that enjoyed being dressed in diapers and spoon-fed the baby food that he brought with him. She couldnít concentrate today, her head full of last night and the night that was to come. She looked at the large, tubby man that sat before her naked apart from a giant bib and diapers wondering what the hell she was doing. Why did she do this?

She already knew the answer, money, but last night had changed her somehow. She understood all to well that her tricks had a need but none of them ever considered her in all this. She was their servant, even though she was in control. That was the nature of the trade that she had chosen. Dominatrix, but she never really had any control. Their money brought her time and skill. She suddenly felt cheap as she reached forward and shovelled another heaped spoonful of the evil smelling banana dessert into his mouth, using the bib to catch the drops that escaped. That was a feeling she hadnít had in many years and it was strangely unfamiliar to her. One that she didnít like.

Her trick must have sensed her distraction and moved nearer to her, she knew what he wanted but she suddenly didnít want it anymore. He wanted to suckle from her breast, this was the closest any of her tricks got to actually touching her these days and the thought suddenly left her cold. She couldnít refuse him, that she knew but she had to fight the urge to tell him no.

She dropped her dress over her shoulder and allowed him to move closer. As his teeth clamped onto her nipple, she wanted to scream, to flee the room but she didnít. She fought every instinct in her just as she had the first time she had ever turned a trick. The tears began to well up inside her as he sucked. His mouth gentle but she felt strangely violated now. It wasnít his fault and she held his head as he continued to suckle gently, trying to take comfort from his actions.

As he rose to dress he commented on the fact that she seemed distracted, his voice almost showing signs of concern. She brushed it off as the start of a cold and he seemed to accept the explanation. She showered and got ready to meet Alistair glad that she had no more tricks today.

She dressed in a green dress, one of her favourite outfits, allowed her golden locks freedom from the tight ponytail that she normally wore. She found herself pacing the flat as she watched the clock; nerves were not something that she was used too nowadays. She dealt with men every day of her life, new tricks would come to her through word of mouth but this was different. She actually cared about Alistair; this was something new to her, her emotions mixed.

As the knock came at the door, she waited a couple of minutes before answering it. Alistair was stood there as she had expected; he walked in as she held the door open, gently placing a kiss on her cheek as he did so.

He took his place on the settee; the look on his face concerned her as she looked at him.

"Coffee." She couldnít think of anything else to say right then, suddenly feeling awkward with him.

"Yes please, Tash that would be nice, then I think you and I need to talk." The tone of his voice frightened her.

As she poured the coffee her mind and heart seemed to race in unison. What was he needed to talk to her about? She had a feeling that she wasnít going to like what ever he had to say to her. She made her way back to him and after placing the coffeeís on the coffee table she sat next him waiting expectantly for him to say what was on his mind.

"Look Tash, this isnít easy for me to say..." he hesitated almost trying to compose himself. " I wasnít totally straight with you, I need to tell you something about myself and you may not like what I have to say."

"Oh come on Alistair, it canít be that bad, can it? Donít tell me your married and thatís why you couldnít stay last night." She giggled as she said the words, more through nerves than anything else.

"I almost wish it was that easy... Iím not an Estate Agent Tash, I lied about that." God was that all, she thought silently, she smiled at him, almost amused by the last comment that he had made.

"You donít understand do you?" His tone telling her that he was serious.

"No, your not an Estate Agent, so what?"

"Tash Iím a Police Officer" he finally managed to say.

She sat and stared at him, trying desperately to think of something to say. The words escaped her for a while. Oh shit, did he know? Why did he feel the need to tell her? What if, oh god what if? Then the reasoned thoughts washed over her. How could he know? What she did wasnít wrong really was it?

"Tash say something for godís sake."

"Sorry you just threw me for a minute." She managed to stammer struggling to compose herself. "Why did you feel the need to tell me?" she asked cautiously.

"It didnít seem right to lie to you thatís why. After last night and everything I just couldnít lie anymore. Iím not ashamed of my job itís just that people seem to change when I tell them what I do for a living."

She almost laughed at his last sentence. He was worried about how she might react to his job! She was sat in a room, next to a man that she cared a great deal for and the joke was he was one of her Majestyís finest while she earnt her money immorally. Oh Christ what the hell am I going to do now? She thought as he fell silent once more.

"Iím sorry I lied Tash, I really am but..." he trailed off again as he looked at her face. "What is it Tash? Whatís Wrong?"

"Oh boy this is going to get complicated if we stay together. I havenít been honest with you either Alistair and what Iím going to tell you arenít going to like. She hesitated, fishing for the words, knowing that the reaction would be the same whichever way she put it so. "The truth is I..." she couldnít do this, she couldnít tell him. She knew she should but she couldnít.

"Yes. What are you hiding from me Tash? It canít be that bad. Can it?"

She rose and took his hand before leading him through into the bedroom. She couldnít tell him. The words just stuck in her throat each time she tried but she could show him.

She threw the wardrobe open and allowed him to view all the tricks of her trade. She watched his reaction as he viewed the assortment of costumes and whips that it contained. His eyes told her all she needed to know. He understood what she was saying that much was evident as she looked into them.

He moved towards her and began to speak. "Oh Natasha.... Why? Why do you do this? I thought, well I thought with the church and all...Why?" He said as he looked at her.

"Money Alistair. What the hell else am I supposed to do? What else can I do? I donít enjoy it believe me but the moneyís good and I control my own life nowadays. She offered knowing that they were not good answers. She stood and looked him in the eye, "So now you know, you can leave and go back to your job" She said defiantly.

"Iím not going anywhere, not unless you want me too that is? IS that what you want?"

"No, but this is impossible. I wanted this to be different. I wanted you to... How can we now you know?"

"I donít know anything, you have a wardrobe full of kinky gear, Tash thatís all I know."

"But Alistair we canít, what about your job? I canít..."

His lips met hers and silenced her protests.

"Why not? Weíll talk about it later, it doesnít matter right now..." were the last words she heard as she melted into his arms.

Authors Note: Iím considering doing a second part to this story. If anyone has any comments, Iíd be really grateful.

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